Down the Rabbit Hole

    Six months in. It seems like everything I've done in 25 years up to this year has been a precursor. Like preseason football to what really matters. Not completely meaningless, yet totally miniscule compared to 2013 in general. Could be the breast milk talking, who knows anymore....

It's still just so fascinating to me. At a point during the third trimester, I stopped worrying about what might happen. No big deal, humans have been making babies since Adam found Eve's garden. I started to feel cocky, like these past 9 months had me prepared. I was ready for anything.
That February morning, I felt like I dropped down the rabbit hole to Wonderland, what I thought I knew, I didn't have a clue about. It was a world I wasn't ready for. A world with laughs and tears. Diapers and bottles. Precious memories and debt. Post-pardum and unbridled joy.
And although I have dirtied my fluffy white tail along the way, I've emerged enlightened.


    I'll be the first to admit, This shit is hard, real hard. 3AM feedings and blown-out diapers in enough to drive anyone insane at some point. Add in a case of Post-Pardum depression still going strong at 6 months, and you've got a recipe for disaster. Psh. I got this......

........Still cocky at points, still getting kicked in the balls by life for being cocky. I'll never learn.

    Yet it's all worth while. Every single stressful moment. Because when I walk through that apartment door at 6PM each day, strung-out on "stupid", there's a smile. A smile that only a parent gets. It's that second when he looks at me, and happiness take over his little body. He wiggles in Mommy's arms, trying to break free. He wants to be with daddy. It's enough to make your heart melt.
It makes me feel like I'm doing a good job. He doesn't judge me, He doesn't care about my short-comings, or how I feel like breaking down when the world gets too large for my shoulders. None of that matters to him, he only loves me unconditionally. If I could harness the power of that little smile, world peace would be a reality, not a pipe dream.


    This ride is a wild one, like the car rides we all made with friends under the influence of something illicit. Just when you feel comfortable in your abilities to handle parenthood, life catches you without a seatbelt at a tight corner. Nevertheless, I couldn't imagine trading it for anything, worldly or otherwise. this ride is so bitchin', and I feel blessed each day I spend it with family, my wife, and my son.


Enjoy the ride my friends.

-JRoy